This post is news that I’ve been reluctant to share.  Alas, to the extent I can use it to encourage legal professionals who are facing behavioral health issues to seek assistance, it’s time that I share the news. And, in that it relates wellness & well-being, there’s no better time to post than while it’s still Wednesday.

Cognizant of my frequent harping on the duty to provide candid legal advice regardless of the fact that such candor might not be palatable to the client, I’ll be quick to the point: I have pancreatic cancer.

Late summer digestive issues led to a September 25 appointment with my primary care physician. Results from blood and urine tests led to a September 27 CT scan that revealed a mass growing on the head of my pancreas.  An October 5 biopsy confirmed malignant pancreatic adenocarcinoma.

I’m fully aware of the history associated with the diagnosis. I do not allow discussion thereof. Anyone who wants to discuss or dwell upon the negative is free to do so elsewhere.  For my fight, I choose relentless hope, optimism, and positivity.  Traits that I am fortunate to access as a result of my faith, family, and friends.

That’s that.  I’ll leave my treatment plan to this footnote.[1] 

I realize that pancreatic cancer is not the same as dealing with a behavioral health issue. Still, as I’ll explain, I am convinced that the “wellness” aspect of my work as bar counsel has helped to equip me for the fight.  I’d like to use this platform to share how it has done so and, in the process, encourage anyone who needs to do so to ask for help.

In early 2020, I learned of Well-Being Week in Law.  In May, the profession devotes each day of a week to one of the 5 different dimensions of our overall well-being: physical, spiritual, intellectual, social, and emotional.[2]  Tonight, I focus on the emotional and social.

Since my diagnosis, I’ve not once asked why.  The cancer doesn’t care why!!  More importantly, every second spent wondering why is a second not spent fighting the fight. In other words, asking why leaves me right where the disease wants me: not in the fight. 

On this front, my approach flows from the work I’ve done on emotional well-being.  On the day dedicated to the topic during 2020 Well-Being Week in Law, I posted this video. It draws heavily from my 2017 post W.I.N Your 3-feet of Influence. 

In sum, bad things are going to happen to us. We can’t always control that. We can, however, always control our reactions to the bad things. Indeed, that’s what’s important now: controlling what we can control.  In my case, that includes relying on my faith, family, and friends to assist and enable me to fight with hope, positivity, and optimism.

I am well aware that society reacts differently to diseases like mine than to diseases of the mind.  Nevertheless, if you are fighting alcohol, drugs, or a mental health issue, my point remains: asking “why?” is not what’s important now.  What’s important now is knowing that it is okay to ask for help, help is available, and help is available in a way that is decoupled from the disciplinary process. 

Remember: your anxiety, your stress, your drink or drug of choice?  They don’t want you in the fight.  What’s important now is that you join the fight.  Reach out.  We will help you get started and won’t spend a second judging your reasons for asking.

Social well-being is another dimension of our overall well-being. In 2020, I posted Social Well-Being: Communities, Connections, Hope. In it, I urged people to forge connections that become communities. I argued that, among other things and at their best, communities inspire their members to hope.

Earlier in this post, I mentioned my faith, family, and friends. Together, they nourish the optimism and positivity that I bring to my fight. That is, my faith, family, and friends are what inspire and enable me to hope. And, at their core, what are faith, family, and friends?  Types of communities.

Find a community. It could be the lawyers who work in your practice area. Or people who share a common interest.  Or people who’ve lived through what you’re living.  Whatever, find one. It will be a source of hope.

More importantly, every single one of us knows someone who has withdrawn from one of our communities.  Whether from the office’s culture, the legal profession, or one of the many non-legal communities to which we belong: church groups, running clubs, etc. I’m not talking about those who withdrew due to a lack of time or interest. I’m talking about those who withdraw involuntarily as a result of an alcohol, drug, or mental health issue.

Reach out to the people who’ve involuntarily withdrawn or who are teetering on the edge. Knowing that you care will provide them with hope. Perhaps just enough hope to enable them to seek the help that is okay to seek and that is available without recourse to the disciplinary process.

I realize that this post was about me.  I’m not asking for anything.  Rather, my intent is to encourage even one person who is coping with a disease deemed less acceptable than mine to seek help. Like the pancreas, the mind is a body part. There is no shame in asking for help to treat an injured body part.

Thank you for your consideration.[3]

Oh, November is Pancreatic Cancer Awareness Month. For more info, including tips on early detection, visit PanCan.Org.

[1] First, huge shout out to the Hematology & Oncology Unit at University of Vermont Cancer Center.  Competence personified!! The mass is borderline resectable. That means that once shrunk it can be removed surgically.  My case is closer to resectable than non-resectable. Which is good.  I’m also lucky in that, to date, there is no sign that any cancer has spread beyond the pancreas. The plan is 8-12 cycles of chemo.  I started chemo yesterday.  I’m on FOLFIRINOX.  Each cycle is 14 days.  On the first day of the cycle, I spend 7 hours receiving an infusion at the chemo lab at UVM.  The infusion is via a chest port that was installed a few weeks ago.  When I leave, I do so with a parting gift: a fanny pack full of Folfirinox.  The fanny pack is connected by tube to the chest port. 46 hours after leaving, I go back, and the fanny pack is unhooked. Then, the remainder of the 14-day cycle passes without infusions.  Repeat 8 to 12 times. 

[2]My posts & videos related to Well-Being Week in Law are here.

[3] The fact that I have 8-12 cycles of chemo made me think of the “first day of grade ___” social media posts.  In order, this post’s pictures are Chemo Cycle 1: leaving home; Chemo Cycle 1: arriving for treatment; and Chemo Cycle 3: moment first drop of chemo is infused. 

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