These are challenging times to be a kid. And if you are a parent, it should be a cause for serious concern. The CDC has issued its 2023 study indicating that 40% of high school kids have feelings of “hopelessness” and 20% have thought about suicide. There is also a 2023 Pennsylvania Youth Survey of 409 school districts and 49 independent schools. The report doesn’t tell us exactly how the survey was conducted and children can be unreliable reporters for a variety of reasons. But, the data merits serious consideration.

Some good news suggests why the report should be credited. Our kids are turning away from things like alcohol, drugs and tobacco. Trapped in this is an odd trend this writer would not expect. Young women are finding relief in alcohol to a degree now outpacing young men.

Now on to the subject of safety. 11% of 6th graders report being assaulted during the prior year and 22% said they were threatened. The report, which I shall attach, does not specify how those terms were defined. Still, it signals serious safety concerns. A quarter of kids surveyed sometimes question the value of life. 16 percent “think” about suicide and 5-6% report attempting suicide. Again, definitions of what is an “attempt” are unclear and 6th-12th graders can be unduly dramatic, But, even if those percentages are grossly overstated, it is still a source for concern. 21% of children surveyed reported food insecurity in their household.

The bad news is that kids are not feeling well about themselves. There is food insecurity and people worrying about food typically must also worry about housing, electricity and whether the family car might be re-possessed. Then there is the inevitable sadness that comes from being criticized, bullied and physically harmed. Parents tend to think those risks come from unruly fellow students. In so concluding, they underestimate the harm they inflict- often unknowingly. After all, they are just trying to do the right thing by the children they so love. Right?

Part of the problem is that we have oversold “family values.” From the moment kids come into our worlds, we have a common narrative. Parents are forever. Family is the central unit of our society. Yet, we live in a world where 40% of children are born outside a wedded relationship and 40% of those who do marry will see that marriage dissolve. We can’t change this but adults lose credibility when they insist that all is well when the data shows otherwise and kids see it firsthand among their classmates.

The other part of the problem is how adults deal with fissures in their adult relationships. It’s illustrated in two appellate cases published today. Here’s a quote from the trial court opinion being reviewed:

Father presented evidence that [the then 14 year old Child] was resorting to self-harm to avoid being in Mother’s care. Child had been committed to a children’s psychiatric ward for treatment and monitoring. [Father] also testified that Mother was interfering with that treatment by threatening to bring legal action against the staff for “infringing on her (Mother’s) rights[.”]

[Child] testified by phone from the hospital. She described an incident on May 15, 2025, where Mother erupted in violence over an insolent remark. She testified that Mother choked her for 30-to-45 seconds and then tried to cover up the marks. Mother also pushed her to the ground in anger, slapped her[,] and pulled her by the hair. [Child] eventually shared the abuse and fear she suffered in Mother’s home with school staff. She threatened to kill herself if she had to return to Mother’s care. She also admitted to self-harming behaviors, [namely cutting]. As a result, she was hospitalized for psychiatric care. Mother denied there was an incident on May 15, 2025. She also downplayed [Child]’s subsequent mental health commitment. She testified that [Child] fabricated the story of abuse and orchestrated her mental health commitment to be able to live with Father.

If you want to grasp a feeling of powerlessness, consider the judge hearing this case. You are interviewing an 8th grader in a psych ward. Her parents can’t even agree on the problem. Privately, judges will tell you they want to drive to the hospital and take the child home. But they know that is not their place. Instead, they are stuck trying to triage the situation and resurrect a family that has utterly collapsed. And in Karlsen v. Cassell, the matter has been outside the judges’ power for almost a year while the Superior Court reviewed and affirmed the trial court’s ruling. That opinion is here.

J-A04043-26m – 106758380355674330.pdf

Today also brought us a ruling in Fuller v. Fuller. 1188 MDA 2025. There are some fascinating legal issues in this case, but the Superior Court tells us that the trial record and appellate statements failed to make for a justiciable claim. We mention the case because it is a fight over where a child will attend kindergarten. Yes, kindergarten. If you want to make a child anxious and sad try subjecting a five-year-old to a separation, a divorce and a war over kindergarten. This is the new age of appellate family law. Dozens of petitions and years of battle over “what is best?” No thought given to the impact on a child of endless and often useless conflict.

I am reminded of Walt Kelly’s cartoon “Pogo” from the mid-20th century. At one point Pogo related that “I have met the enemy and he is us.”  Parents seeking their perception of what is best don’t realize the damage inflicted when two people their child has been taught to love unconditionally choose to draw swords over what they profess to love most; their kid.

The Pennsylvania Youth Survey:

state of pennsylvania profile report.7.18.2024.pdfA Report on the State of Our Kids: Mixed Results