It may not come as a surprise to readers of this newsletter that I am an avid reader. I enjoy all sorts of books from contemporary fiction to fantasy; from romance, to memoirs. I like to read what’s popular, what’s award-winning, and sometimes what has the coolest cover when I am perusing Bookman’s.
More and more I find that the books I pick up have some tie into aging, death or disability. Consequently, I find myself wanting to do one of two things: (1) advise the characters of what to do given my background in elder law; or, (2) rip out the page and provide it to my clients as another perspective on an issue they have already made up their minds about.
Most recently, the book that caught my attention was “Remarkably Bright Creatures” by Shelby Van Pelt. Before I jump into it, I want to warn you that this newsletter contains spoilers. Netflix is adapting Remarkably Bright Creatures into a movie that will be released next month. This blog post contains spoilers for the book and most likely the upcoming movie as well.
Summary
Remarkably Bright Creatures follows Tova, a widow and aquarium janitor. Most notably, it documents her unlikely friendship with Marcellus, a giant pacific octopus. Marcellus is incredibly smart and knows his days are numbered. In fact, he is counting down the days until his death. Tova is in her seventies and, having just lost her husband and still mourning the loss of her son decades earlier, is facing her own mortality. And there’s also Cameron; a broke young man who can’t hold down a job despite his overall good nature. He’s on a quest to find his father after being abandoned by his mother when he was young.
The book is about friendship, family, connection, loneliness and aging. It’s ultimately a hopeful story, but there are some tear-jerking moments on the way to getting there. One of the major questions the book asks is “who takes care of a person when there is no family left?” And this, is what I want to talk about today.
Who will take care of Tova?
After the death of her husband, Tova finds herself without any family to rely on and struggles with the question many do after the death of a spouse: “Who will take care of me as I get older?” This is especially poignant for people like Tova who don’t have any children or surviving family members that they are close to. Tova refuses to put the onus on her tight-knit friend group, all of a similar age to her and facing their own struggles with aging.
Aside from Tova living alone, her house is no longer practical for her anymore due to it’s size and the number of stairs. Early in the story, Tova injures her ankle while cleaning the aquarium. It’s no longer safe for Tova to live there alone. She wonders: “Will they find her on the kitchen floor? Summon an ambulance to take her to the hospital? Who will fill out the admit forms?” And she doesn’t have an answer.
At one point, the Tova tells her friend Janice: “I don’t have children who will come stay with me when I’ve had a fall. I don’t have grandchildren who will stop over to unclog my drain or make sure I’m taking my pills. And I won’t put that burden on my friends and neighbors.” To which Janice replies: “There’s your problem, Assuming it’s a burden.”
Tova puts her large home, full of stairs and cherished memories up for sale. She plans to move into Charter Village, a retirement community hours away from the small town she has lived in for decades. It is also hours away from her friends.
Staying at Home
Tova’s narrative is not unique to her. She struggles with the idea of moving and the loss of independence that may come with it. Overall, the author does a pretty good job describing different living situations that one might end up in as they age.
First, Tova is living alone in a house that is safe enough for now, but likely won’t work out long-term if her care needs increase. Still, if Tova came into our office looking for suggestions, it wouldn’t be an emergency to move her into a different living situation. We would want to make sure that all of the necessities are on the first floor (bathroom, bedroom, kitchen and exit) and that grab bars are in places where there is a fall risk. I would recommend a life alert in case she does fall, a check in system with a friend, and some security. At some point having a caregiver come in to the home for a few hours a week to check in and help out could be arranged. If Tova’s goal was to stay at home, there may be ways to accomplish this safely.
Retirement Community
But, Tova isn’t sure she wants to stay at home. A retirement community or independent living is not a ridiculous idea for her situation. In many ways it is practical. She is lonely and Charter Village is described as having others in Tova’s age group out and about. She also describes scheduled activities for residents to do.
As far as safety, in many retirement communities and/or independent living, the spaces are smaller and include less fall risks like stairs. They also often include various levels of care. This means if Tova did need additional care as she aged she could get it without having to move out of the community. This can make the transitions easier because it avoids a big move when a person is already struggling. Also, by choosing her own placement, Tova avoids putting the responsibility on her friends in the event she becomes incapacitated.
Of course, there are downsides to Tova’s choice to move. She will be far enough from her friend group that she won’t get to see them often. For a person who is already lonely and feeling isolated, being far from friends may only increase those feelings. Plus, her space will be smaller. In the book Tova is forced to get rid of items that are sentimental to her when moving. The financial cost of living in an independent living or retirement community are not mentioned in the book. For many these costs are prohibitive or at least a consideration in moving into these communities.
Unrealistically, Tova moves into the first retirement community she visits. If Tova were my client, I would recommend that she visit more than one community before signing a contract. They offer a wide array of services and each one has its own vibe. Even if she likes Charter Village, there might be a better fit out there. I might even recommend she work with a placement agency to help her tour some placements. I would also recommend she review her contract carefully or have an attorney review it.
But, who’s making decisions?
As Tova is grappling with who will do the day to day work of managing her medications and unclogging her drain, she misses out on the bigger question of “who’s making decisions for Tova?” While Tova has capacity, she can make her own healthcare and financial decisions. For now, she is able to decide to move to Charter Village on her own. She can pay her own rent and decide which pills are appropriate for her to take. But, who makes those decisions when Tova is no longer able to? Charter Village certainly won’t handle Tova’s investments or consent to medical treatment for her. They might take care of the practicalities of the day to day, but they won’t make decisions.
Tova needs powers of attorney. Powers of attorney are documents that say who you want to make medical and financial decisions for you in the event you become incapacitated. This could be a good opportunity for her friends to stay involved in her care by serving as agent. I would recommend having at least one alternate agent who is in the next generation though. Or, if Tova didn’t want that responsibility to be on her friends, she might hire a professional fiduciary.
Conclusion
Now, things work out somewhat miraculously for Tova in the end. I won’t spoil to much but it involves a long lost relative. It does not involve staying in her large house nor moving to Charter Village. It’s a hopeful ending, but one that most people in Tova’s situation won’t have. Regardless, the book is a good read and a reminder to hold your loved ones close. Plus it gives the hopeful feeling that it’s never too late to find a plan that works for you. In the words of Marcellus the octopus: “My death is imminent. But I am not dead yet.”